K.M.V. Thoughts, Music Insights, and Personal Reflections on Music

I K.M.V. thoughts killed my self yet again. Over explaining to those who never cared in the first place, they wanted my energy, my soul, my music insights, my knowledge, my information. For what? These personal reflections weigh heavy on me.

I was a world announced star and people that used to know me try doing anything to get me on cameras and embarrass myself one instances i was held captive for a box, bag, and chest.

It felt like a game but i was taking it seriously.

And come to senses it was real.

I had 2 fat homies but they disappeared.

I had one instance where it felt like shaq was hovering over me trying to take something out my hand in a playful manner.

 This dream is all over the place because it is very messy, and confusing i don’t even recognize half the things I’m seeing in my memories. They’re a mix of waves, vivid colors, space, slot of stuff, i don’t actually have words for it.

Nothing can compare to this dopamine 

Diamonds and pearls

Were giving up turned into a resource of greed

Knowledge was an evolution, which that gave us the ability to think freely 

And they put a price on that as well 

How are you supposed to deal with all of that 

And too your loved ones dehumanizing you

With music people tend to put songs, lyrics, even beats to certain events that happened in life,

Rather it’s something, sad, happy, exciting, or even frightening, music helps people regulate or even understand their emotions. 

When this fails to happen or if your life is just dormant, very still, the music almost feels like and escape, like a dream you can replay, over and iver and over. Almost exiting out the meaning and creating a loop of memories.

While making Break All The rules” for my Human Nature Album, a park ranger pulled up and did a typical game what cops and all low tear offers do 

Ranger “Hey whatchu got going on here“

Me “oh Just making art”

Ranger “Like music”

Me “yeah”

Yk the simple “open up to me I’m friendly play”

And moral of the story he kicked me out the park after giving me 30 seconds to finish my adlips 

Which was pretty cool and chill i guess but should’ve let me stay the entire night lol better luck next time  

Which ever karen called im hunting for you 

凸( •̀_•́ )凸

👽⃤

𝖗𝖊𝖕𝖚𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

The school system failed, individuals and generations prior to us. Its shows in modern day parenting and in the previous generation of parenting. They want the middle class to keep fighting among one another, and stay mediocre, and the ones with such strong certainty about themselves, individuals who realize will do what ever they can in their power to, pull the ascending star to the ground. 

On this beautiful walk I’m on 

I saw a homeless man creating a huge fire under a bridge 

How did he get there?

what ended up happening to him?

These questions ill never have answered but i know one thing for certain.

Don’t ever stop being grateful for the situation your in

Don’t ever take the people you still have for granted either

Love is all K.M.V

Song listening to at this moment 

Bob Marley & The Wailers : is this live

I’m at an orientation for a warhorse job 

I get there and the inside of the warehouse looks exactly like a dream i had a while back while working at amazon

The only  part of the dream i remember is leaving a trailer after working my ass off 

This looks like the exact place 

I see, i think there outbound docks 

Where i was working I’m not sure 

(This part real life)

I used the restroom and one my way back everything’s smooth i’m currently standing by a window and i see something that rises my blood pressure to the roof.Almost makes me crash out on spot.

I saw a individual who was willing to kill me about a female in here. That says everything i need to know about bro. He had nothing to lose at the moment and time being. 

Even tho we did do some freaky ahh shi, bro didn’t care at all this was his message to me.

“Idc about what yaw did, its my girl and she don’t even want yo ass, even tho it was one time.” 

☠︎︎

Bro💀 aint no way in heavens green earth bro still was trying to cuff 

Also had a dream i was in this exact room 

It was a wild dream because i didn’t know it come so fast.

3:30 pm

We’re currently watching Ai goop videos

About safety and violent behavior at the work place 

I managed to get through it without falling asleep 

I will not miss this at all when working in corporate America 

But gotta get legal money, which they say is the best money.

3:59 pm

We’re currently waiting for something 

I have no clue i forgot, ah that what it was, to get our identification documents returned back to us.

4:00pm

The shawty I’m siting next to is messing with me heavy, she turned her whole body wanting me to chase her attention. Which is not  going to happen.

I’m not saying she worthless or a waste of time, I’m saying i have great things to worry about than getting is some butt, the butt can be given but i wont drown in it. In any cost. It’s been half a year with no pussy/butt, which honestly made me more disciplined and made by dih grow like a rocket ship taking off to space like seriously, the size of this thing is crazy.

4:03pm 

Other than that i’m excited and ready for this experience and, a quick note to my self don’t let anyone or anything in this warehouse consume you like the other one. You know how bad that shi was, you lost yourself, you didn’t even know who you were anymore, it sad to say what people energy and actions can cause you Kendell. Your mind is so beyond the expectations you set for yourself and now it’s time for you to unlock that. Not just for you but for the world you’ll be the change your family and world needs, with your wealth, mind, and success, love yourself,  you’re prefect the way you are. Don’t try anything that’s beyond you or outside of you.

4:11pm

The recruiter just left the room before that he informed us about what’s going to happen for the next 4 days and returned our documents, someone forgot to give their documents so we’re now waiting longer for the employee account to be made for this guy.

I sitting here just writing notes can wait for this to be over, love, life, live, this what the American dream about?

4:19pm

We’re I’m using the word we a-lot because there’s about 35-50 people in this joint waiting along side me, i have no clue how long this is going to take to get our photos, but it seems like the line is going pretty fast in my opinion. The sun is hidden right now. I have no clue where it’s at. But i feel like being in that dark dormant room has something to do with it.

And another thing with these buildings and there design it, triggers nostalgia for some reason idk if its the secret chemicals their secretly pumping into the air to make me feel this way. Or if it’s real life nostalgia, because i could you not looking at the tall African security and the old stubby white one gives me some sort of memory of i don’t know what,

Ahhhhhhh that’s the memory :) 

I think i got a pin point of the dream, I was Working here instead of amazon at 18 and i was a complete opposite of who i was there i was a junky, a fein just a mess, i soon came to realize that i got laced for smoking in the bathroom off of someone who was my “friend” whole time bro switched the clean cart he was using and gave me some boof shii. And it had me dying by the security desk literally.

Thats a version of myself that came to, a reality i could’ve bern conscience in. It’s scary and crazy to even think about, all the situations i’ve been in theres always these  separate reality’s i could’ve fallen into if i stopped thinking and gave up.

Thats what it is giving up. It all about trying and giving up nothing more or less in between.

4:32 pm

I thought something crazy, almost like the truth. It ie the truth,  genetics are so real and I’m understanding the genetics passed down, you have my fathers strong emotional field which helps with comfort and warmth i don’t what else. 

For my mother i actually couldn’t tell you , my momma just my momma can’t nobody… actually i take that back ill know if someone reminds me like her. The day i find her i know to lover her even if we not together, but love her like a mother.

4:39pm 

Bored bored bored 

( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) 

4:42pm

Every-time i clock the time the time switches,

And i’m really here right now in a warehouse chilling

Gotta love it though standing doing nothing, getting paid for that nothing gotta turn it into a career.

Not the standing and doing nothing but , the standing and getting paid for my words and energy. That’s what I’m doing with this time im getting paid for. No let that sink in Kendell Boy :))))))

4:46 pm

I’m sorry if i intimidate you for being my self, i can 

be intimidated as well. By running into people of my past and trying to use that as their advantage to have leverage on me some way and sone how.

4:51 pm

Mane don’t get involved with none these women i already knowing these bitches bout to be messy as a tornado in here 

5:59 pm

We’re finally in line for our pictures I’m excited.

5:01 pm

Bro i had no idea the state or Arizona Federal minimum wage is $7:25 imma abuse my power as s business man and hire overseas fir that hourly 

Because i know people in  3rd world countries would kill to see that hourly wage

5:07pm

I just lied about the cap i was wearing for my picture

“The guy asked to take off my glasses and cap,  i took the glasses off but not the cap, he asked again for it to be removed and j said i can’t its apart of my religion and he asked what was it i said Buddhism.

☠︎︎

5:10pm

Know we’re just waiting here i don’t know for what but we are and it’s actually kind a chill. 

I straight up think….

5:12pm

Holy molly 

The conveyer system that’s running into the outbound dock sees so familiar i don’t know from what exactly, but it is, i love this lol

5:16 pm

I think I’m going to be working 20 + hours a week which is good in my opinion i still have time for quality rest and time to make music, and calculate the proper  expenses. Unlike amazon, boy that shii was a mess, i ended up messing up $100k in a singular year, mind gone everything was, 100% nor was it Kmv. I was overwhelmed over worked. Very disappointed in my self but, being 18 was a blessing because i know some people who i wish could’ve made it to these ages to actually experience life but naw… 

Also for anyone reading this just know if life is absolutely 100%  life-ing you’ll 100% get through it cuz i promise you my road was far from even being imagined or built.

Todays is simple brain washing nothing crazy just. brain washing, out of all the jobs i’ve worked amazon was the worse.

3:10pm

I forgot what i’ve done for the past 30 mins

But now we’re waiting to log our badges and clock in i think, I’m not sure, but again getting paid for doing exactly what i love and thats working on building my business and skills. I don’t even like the word business it’s-played out and it’s honestly just a legacy of your life to be passed down to who ever has enough money and mental complexity to understand your life. Do instead of business i’m calling this my life, I’m working on building my life by doing what i love most, and that’s creating.

With this thought i realized people will destroy-your drams by saying things like “you’ll never accomplish that” you get what i mean 

3:28pm

Just got my finger print scanned imma burn my finger prints to generate new ones at home or erase them completely.

3:29pm

I had a weird dejavu 

Like i got arrested here but i watched my own body came footage, Dj Ghost Was Reacting to it 💀

I found it so difficult to be happy in these settings

Do people actually like being in these situations in life?

5:25pm

Huge gap in time bro tried threatening jobs for phone usage.

Day 3 in goop warehouse 

3:40pm

I skipped half of my note jotting because i went brain dead .

Im losing my mind already lmaooo

Nahh just very tired the energy brought down on us is gut wrenching like i don’t understand how anyone can stop thinking and stop their mind in this dormant environment.

My goal today was to have a blank mind and live in the moment but i couldn’t do that, i failed but i dont care, i was about to go into psychosis like if i smoked 12 pre rolls in one sitting again,

Nah tho i dressed in street ware to see if i really need to retake this photo 

This is the only time this warehouse is going to see me like this.

I no gotta keep it lowkey always no matter what,

I’m seeing so many familiar faces i don’t like that at all,

But i take it back i didn’t lose because i didn’t think outside the box nor did i be cleverly myself lol,

Reminder always stay above, you went in person for the mean while and saw how that felt? Ts was ahh huh?

I work 6:30 to like 10: sumn ts was nit specific at all 

Im really going to have to lock in no social media no distractions 

My head hurts but i know this work imma bout to put in is going to pay off 

I was late today because I forgot we couldn’t have phones in the building so i had to walk all they way back to my car. Which i parked all the way in the back,  i get to the clock in late ash but you know i don’t care because this thick booty latina manger wants a piece of Lil Kmv, i Don’t remember shi from that shift. Next shift there was a few baddies but warehouse baddies so you know they burning hoes so i keep my head down until the end of the shift, i go to winco than home. Where im currently Typing this. 

I walked today 

Todays 06/09/2026

I woke up at 4 am and went straight to walking walked for about an hour until i hit barbed wire fences , i stretched and watched the sun come up.

I got home showered went to the gym for 1-2 hours than after i went to the movies to see Michael but it got canceled so i ended up driving to goodwill to read books.

After that i went home then Learned From Empire, and i forgot that this event was Wednesday not Tuesday, so i dressed appropriately for my confront for the event and what do you know i get to the doors and the entrance was locked. The Event was tomorrow…. I guess i was so excited of the change and whats to come after the event i lost sense of time. 

So i decided to drive to the mall where I’m currently   Journaling this now.

Be grateful 

On this beautiful walk I’m on 

I saw a homeless man creating a huge fire under a bridge 

How did he get there?

what ended up happening to him?

These questions ill never have answered but i know one thing for certain.

Don’t ever stop being grateful for the situation your in

Don’t ever take the people you still have for granted either

Love is all K.M.V

Song listening to at this moment 

Bob Marley & The Wailers : is this live